Love and Trust

Lately, I have been really surprised at how 'present' God seems to be in my life. A lot of times, I feel as though He is right there with me, spearking into my heart. For example, this morning I woke up crabby because someone was in the bathroom when I needed to be in the bathroom. Immediately, a song popped into my head:

'I want a say a prayer
Before my feet can hit the ground.
Lord, I give this day to you.'

While maybe that was God chastising me a bit, I appreciated it, embraced it even.

On the way to church this morning, we saw a sign for a house for $29,000. Dad said he'd give it to me if he had it. I said, 'Well, all things are possible with Him. Maybe we'll find it.' What did Will speak about in sunday school? He discussed how the impossible can be possible through God. And, sometimes, when I'm driving in my car or working on homework or drying my hair, I'll just be quiet for a minute, and I'll feel Him.

I am in constant awe that He would take so much time to be so near to someone as sinful and fickle as me. I am humbled that the King of Kings would care so much about one little struggling soul. I am absolutely in love because He has loved me first. I know that His Joy actually will be my strength. I am surprised at how I hunger to be in His presence for even just a minute. Somedays, I actually do live on prayer. I don't remember how I lived my life without this, but I don't want to go back. I don't want to live a day without the His tangible presence.

However, I do have one issue. I feel as though God is asking me to trust Him completely with my finances. I have always worked hard, paid my bills, and I've done it on my own. But, I think God is calling me to reset my priorities, and I think part of this would be to quit Blockbuster. Part of me really, REALLY wants to quit. But, the other part of me knows how much I need the money and the security. But, the truth is, the second job is cutting into my time significantly. I don't have the time to spend with God. I don't always get to go to church. I'm not always my best because I'm exhausted constantly. I want to trust Him completely in all areas of my life.

I am also concerned that one day I may not feel God so closely. In fact, I know that there will be seasons in my life when I won't feel like this. But, I feel like a newlywed. I am so absolutely in love with my Savior and I don't ever want it to change. So, I feel that cutting some of my man-made security is one of those sacrifices that will make this relationship all the better. I have to learn to depend on God for my daily bread, for my everything. This so scary.

Today, I ask, 'God, I believe. But, help my unbelief. I want to trust you, but I am scared. So, please, take you daughter's hand. Lead me. Walk with me. And, please, catch me when I fall, because I will. Clothe me as you clothe the birds. Be my provider.'