Desert

I am convinced that I do have the best friends in the world. I may not have a million, but they are worth a million. Thanks so much all of you for trying to cheer me up in my terrible no good days. I think you deserve an update.
Currently, I am in a state of denial about my truck. It's true. I freely admit it. I function better that way. You don't have to tell me it's unhealthy. I have a degree in psychology. I know it's unhealthy. But, I know that I can't do anything about it right now, so I have pushed it out of my mind.
On another note, recently I have been checking out churches in Grand Rapids. I know that I am missing something in my spiritual life, and I know that it's the lack of a church family. So far, I've only been to three, but I am, for once, enjoying the hunt. I've brought something away from each service I have been to lately. That's refreshing. I've been to far too many showy chapels. I was starting to think that maybe that was all there was. I have been wrong. If you don't mind, I would like to share a little something from today's service.
The speaker today at Ada Bible Church was talking about the Children of Israel and the desert. God plucked them from the land of plenty and put them into the land of nothing. He let them loose in a desert with no food, no water, and nothing that they were used to. Why would he do this? It was time for the Children to start relying on Him for their daily bread. It was time that they learned that He is their portion. He was humbling them so that they could fully rely on Him.
Ouch. Perhaps, I have also been plucked from my land of plenty. I can't always depend on my parents. Most of my friends are scattered all over these fifty states. I have new bills and a new job and I'm just barely making ends meet. My car is broken and I don't have the money to fix it. That's a huge contrast to being at Lee with family just a phone call away, friends even closer, and it's probably time for me to not call my dad with all my problems and expect him to fix them. Sure, my car wasn't that reliable, but it wasn't this bad. Could God be trying to tell me something?
What if I did ask God for my daily bread everyday? What if I did rely on him for my most basic needs? What if I did expect Him, and only Him, to by my portion? What if He was it? What if I stopped, for even one second, trying to figure all of this out on my own and just let him take complete control?
For those of you who know me well, it would not be easy for me. I've never been one to let go of control. And, maybe, that's why I'm in my own little desert. God is telling me that he has all the answers, and I, in contrast, have no answers at all. Maybe, he's ripping that control away from me, humbling me, preparing me for something bigger.
Or, maybe He just wants me to shut up for five seconds and realize that He is God.

If you turn someone in who has a warrant out for their arrest, do you get a reward?

I knwo you're probably getting tired of me blogging about my terrible days. You know what? Get over it. Today was a doosey.
This morning, when I was leaving for work, my car was dead. I had to drag Crystal out of bed to jump me. I made it to work with three minutes to spare. But, I couldn't really concentrate on work because I was so concerned that my car wouldn't start again.
So, when I went to start my car at lunchtime, it was dead. Awesome. So, I called Crystal and she said she would come give me a jump after work. I called Dad who told me that I would need to jump it and then drive it for a while so the alternator could charge the batter. Fine. My main problems: all I had to eat was some leftover cereal from breakfast and I had forgetten my book. So, I had an hour to kill with nowhere to go and nothing to do and nothing to eat. Bummer.
After work, we jumped my car, and let it charge on Crystal's battery a while. We drove it around for an hour and then on the way home we had another one of our fantastic adventures.
My plates are expired and have been for a while, so when I saw the lights in my rearview mirror, I was not surprised. But, I was afraid to turn the car off. So, I had to hold in the clutch the whole time. And it was a long time. First, he took my license and registration and all that jazz. He told me my plates were expired and that's why he pulled me over. He told me I needed to get my bumper fixed. (While he was at it, he should have told me the winning numbers of the lottery cause that's what I'm gonna need now.) Then, he asked Crystal for her ID, which we thought was odd, but she gave it to him anyway.
He was in the car forever. My foot is falling asleep from holding the clutch in. Finally, he comes back and asks Crystal if she would step out of the car so he can talk to her. I thought he was going to give her a sobreity test. But, he asks her if she has any knives on her possession. Then he starts asking about her address and such. He asks her is she ever lived on Toepher and she told him that her dad used to, so he asked for the address. She couldn't remember it, so he asked her to spell the street name. So, she did. He asked for her social security number and if she had any tattoos. He also asked why she was on this side of the state. Then, told her she could get back in the car.
We thought for sure she was headed to the slammer.
Then, he comes back and tells her that there is a sizeable warrant out for the arrest for someone with the exact same name, but there is no description. He strongly advised her to get this cleared up if it was her. He couldn't prove it was her so he was going to let her go. But, told her that this could be a situation like you see on tv with a swat team storming into our apartment.
Then he handed me my license back, told me I needed to get my registration cleared up. He explained that I should call the number on the back of the ticket within ten days and they will tell me everything I need to do to take care of it.
So, apparently, I'm living with a criminal who has a sizeable warrant out for her arrest, I'm still afraid my car won't start in the morning, and I really need to win the lottery.

Oh, and I just got off the phone with my dad who says I have to buy a new battery. My car just isn't charging and I just can't drive it. Great. So, I have to buy a new battery, transfer the title, renew the plates, and get the bumper fixed. And, oh yeah, pay the ticket.

What if?

"When you are a kid you have your own language, and unlike French of Spanish or whatever you start learning in fourth grade, this one you're born with, and eventually lose. Everyone under the age of seven is fluent in 'ifspeak'; go hang around with someone under three feet tall and you'll see. What if a giant funnelweb spider crawled out of that hole over your head and bit you on the neck? What if the only antidote for venom was locked up in a vault on the top of a mountain? What if you lived through the bite, but could only move your eyelids and blink the alphabet? It doesn't really matter how far you go; the point is that it's a world of possibility. Kids think with their brains cracked wide open; becoming an adult, I've decided, is only a slow sewing shut."
Lately, I have found myself thinking with my brain cracked wide open. I don't know why, but I've been playing this massive game of what if. What if I hadn't gone to Tyndale those first two years? What if I hadn't dated he who must not be named? What if I hadn't stumbled upon anthropology in my senior year? What if I hadn't met the people I met and did the things I did? Would I still be here now?
I've even found myself asking the tiniest what if's. Like, what if I had taken that class at a different time or joined that club or talked to that boy? Would that have changed the course of my life at all?
Not that I want to change the course of my life. I don't think I do, but I'm definitely curious. I think I would like to make a time machine. I want to go back and make those what if decisions and see what happens. But, in the end, I don't want anything changed. I just want to know how my life would be different. I don't even want the choice, I just want the knowledge.
Sometimes, while I'm at work, or on the way to work, or anytime I'm bored at all, I play what if. Sometimes it's deep, and sometimes I just wonder what would happen if all the sudden my car took flight. I think it's good exercise for my creative mind. I doubt my imagination needs much exercise though.
What can I say? I'm curious like a cat. That's why my friends call me whiskers.