Saturday, June 20, 2009

Testimony

I mentioned in my last post that there were two things that struck me about II Timothy. The first was that amazing scripture (which, by the way, the phrase 'complete patience' has been running through my head since I read it...can you say 'conviction?') and the second is Paul.

Paul tells Timothy not to be ashamed of his testimony in Jesus Christ. He reminds him that God has saved us and called us, not because of anything we have done, but because He has His own purpose for us. What Paul is not saying is that we have been called in spite of anything we have done.

I stumbled upon this video this morning. I wept. Please watch it.



Occasionally, I am guilty of thinking that my testimony isn't as powerful as someone else's. I haven't been addicted to drugs. I've never battled any kind of disease. My parents are not only still alive, but they're still happily married. I haven't done anything exceptionally bad. I've never even drank alcohol and I'm still a virgin. What could I possibly have to share?

What struck me about this video is that not all of the testimonies are drug addiction or cancer battling huge. Some of them are just ordinary 'sideline Christian' or 'anger controlling me' bad. But, when they flip over those signs and reveal how God has healed their individual brokenness, their testimony is no less amazing.

My God is in the business of restoration and redemption. And, the truth is, we all need it. And, when I say that my testimony isn't that amazing, I am saying that I didn't need God as much as someone else did. But, I did. Because I am arrogant. I'm a liar. I've made plenty of poor choices. And, chief among those poor choices, was to choose to do things on my own.

But, Jesus came down and restored me. He picked up all my broken pieces and breathed new life into them. And, that is a testimony of which I should not be ashamed. And, here is the really beautiful part. After God restored me, after He worked the beauty of redemption, He called me to a holy calling. He made a deposit in my life, as Paul calls it. And, Paul says, 'I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard until that Day what He has entrusted to me.' God has restored me. He has called me. He has made an investment in my life. And, some day, He is expecting a return on that investment. He is expecting that I will be able to carry out His plans.

Me.

Broken, arrogant, fickle, dishonest, mean, vain, and human.

He trusts me to carry out His plans and make good on His investment in my life.

Redemption is amazing. And, I have a pretty awesome testimony. I am not ashamed.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Job Description

I know...two blogs in one day. But, I process things better when I write.

I was reading II Timothy today and I stumbled upon two very important things. Two things that I really needed to hear.

I found my job description. First, let me give you a little background information. For those of you who don't know what I do, I teach preschool. This may come as a shock to some of you. It certainly came as a shock to me. I love my job. I think I'm pretty good at my job. But, don't for one second think that it's all sunshine and butterflies. Don't think it's all finger painting and play- doh. It's hard. There is some serious mental, and occasionally physical, strain involved. But, as I've shared with you before, all it takes is one little hand grabbing for yours and then, none of the other stuff matters.

Recently, Emily and I were talking about how we are more than teachers. That these classrooms are our congregations. That, in effect, we are pastors. And, we are responsible for the spiritual well-being of each of these little ones in our care. That's a giant responsibility and I admit that I find it daunting.

I have said before that my only job is to love these children. And, I still believe that is what I am called to do. But, there is more than just hugs and kisses when you are the shepherd of sixteen crazy little sheep.

'Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.' II Timothy 4:2

Was Paul a preschool teacher? Seriously, this verse so completely sums up my entire responsibility as a teacher (minus the love part, but Paul wasn't very mushy). First and foremost, I have to preach the word to these kids. And, considering the fact that they are one and two years old, I believe that means I have to preach the Word with my life. I have to be ready for anything. Any question, any situation, and trust me, you would not even be able to dream up the things these kids do. And, I do have to, occasionally, reprove, rebuke, and exhort, but here's the kicker, I have to do it with complete patience. And, I have to turn that rebuke into a 'teachable moment.' Oops. You expected complete patience? Oh.

I absolutely love my job. Every day, I am blessed. I am blessed by the kids and I am blessed to get to work with these amazing women every single day. I am blessed to work in an environment where a relationship with Jesus is expected and encouraged. Yesterday, while the kids were napping, I was playing worship music, and I spent some time talking with Jesus. He visited me at work. What an amazing privilege!

I recognize that I have an enormous responsibility. And, I love that God recognizes that I have an enormous responsibility. I love that He believes these little lives are just as important as mine, or any other adults, for that matter. Sure, they can't get their pee pee in the potty yet. Maybe they don't color in the lines or use nice hands, but He loves them so much. He has such amazing plans for them. And, I am so grateful that He has allowed me to be a part of those plans.

Paul tells Timothy, 'Continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom (this is plural, according to my little footnotes) you have learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.' II Timothy 3:14, 15

Timothy has had many teachers throughout his life and all of them have contributed to his beliefs, which ultimately led to his salvation. I cannot tell you what a privilege and blessing it is have the chance to contribute in the lives of these children. I am overwhelmed by both the awesomeness of the blessing and the hugeness of the responsibility. But, I firmly believe that God has put me here for a reason, and I am confident that He is able to fulfill His purpose in me. And, that's incredibly amazing too!

(I know I said there were two things. And, there is something else, but you'll have to wait until later. I think I've done enough blogging for one night...)

Quiet Time

So, a couple of days ago, I wrote a blog about how I'm struggling at working in my quiet time. Not because I don't have the time. I mean, I've got a lot to do, for sure, but I'm only working one job now. And, you would not believe how weird it is to have free time now.

I tried getting up early for a couple of days. Yeah, I read my Bible and I talked to God some, but I got absolutely nothing out of it. I couldn't tell you what I read and most of what I said to God was incoherent. I was definitely not giving God my best. And, strangely enough, I was a little crankier. I think because I got up earlier, but also because I knew how unfruitful and pointless that fifteen minutes I gave to God was.

But, I always feel guilty. I feel like I've always been told that you should give your early morning moments to God. You should start the day off by spending time with Him. Why would He want those moments when I can give Him some time in the afternoon and the both of us will get so much more out of it?

It is true that if I just try to work it in sometime during the day, it often gets skipped. So, I think I'm just going to make it a part of my night time routine, instead of my morning routine.

Maybe this is silly. Maybe God doesn't care when I talk to Him, when I read His words, when I set aside time for Him, just as long as I do it. I'm still very conflicted though. I feel like every good Christian gives God their mornings. They sacrifice their sleep, drag themselves out of bed, and watch the sunrise with the Lord.

That is just not how it happens for me. I rolled out of bed, got mad cause both bathrooms were full and I really had to pee, discovered that no one left any coffee for me (I usually just wait until work, but if I have to get up early...), stumbled through a couple chapters of I Timothy, said a quick prayer, and carried on with my day.

That is not how I want my time with Jesus to go. So, maybe this makes me a bad Christian, but I'm having my date with Jesus at night. Don't think too poorly of me.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Oh, the shame...

I actually started to write a blog this afternoon about how my life has been much more hectic lately. Just as I was about to type the words, 'I've been having trouble finding time for quiet time,' I realized that I could be using that time much more productively. So, I did. I went outside and read my Bible.

But, this week has been really crazy and I am ashamed to say that I did not crack open my Bible one time. I was sick. There were lay-offs. A new director was hired. I've been stressed out because of the lay-offs and what that means for my classroom. And, on top of all that, I'm still dealing with a lot of the same stuff I mentioned in the last blog.

And, today, while I was reading I Timothy, God spoke to me. He said, 'I know you had a hectic week. I know you were sick and stressed out and even a little scared. It would have been nice to hear it from you. And, I really would have like to help.'

Duh.

Seriously. How many times is it going to take for me to learn this lesson? How many times do I have to fall? Today, I really needed to vent. I just needed to get some stuff off of my chest. No one was answering their phone. I started to get frustrated and then, I realized that I should be taking this to God. I am frustrated with myself. When is that going to be my first instinct?

I'm at the point in my life where I have to make to do lists and schedules. I actually have to schedule time to sit down and pay my bills. And, now, I'm going to start scheduling time to sit down, read my Bible and spend some time with Jesus. (No, it won't be first thing in the morning. Maybe I'll blog about that another day.) I kind of hate that I have to schedule that in, to be honest. But, better to schedule it than it never happen at all.

Will I ever get to the point where my first instinct is to go to Jesus? I want that so bad. I hate that prayer is a last resort. I am ashamed. I am embarrassed that I went an entire week without some serious God time. Yes, I whispered a few prayers here and there. I'm still pumping out the praise music in my car. But, not once did I read my Bible or dedicate specific time to talk, and listen, to God. That's disgusting.

I bet last week would have gone so much better if I had...