Conviction in Quadruplicate

Let’s take a minute to celebrate my return to blogging. Is that crickets I hear? Whatever. You know you need my wisdom.

I’ve returned because I want to share what God has been doing in my life in the past week. It seemed like a big jumbly mess, but today, it seemed to come together. So, let me see if I can put it together for you.

I’ve embarked on the Great Church Search. I’ve been at it for a while now, mostly via the internet (cause I’m a socially awkward chicken. Back off!). I google churches in the area, look at their websites, listen to their podcasts. I have a strange checklist that must be completed before I’ll actually visit a church (no saint in the name, etc.). It has not been fun and I have not enjoyed it at all. I think finding a husband at a monastery would be an easier task. (And, let’s face it. I’ve looked everywhere else for him.)

Anyway, I’ve said all that to say this: In my search, I stumbled across this church. I was listening to a sermon on the podcast about putting new wine in old wine skins. I’ve heard the passage before. Jesus says He can’t put new wine in old wine skins or new fabric on old pants (I paraphrased a bit). I’ve been begging God for a change, a new work, refreshment, revival, whatever you want to call it. But, as I’m doing the dishes, listening to this man I’ve never met, I finally got it. God can’t put my new work into my old self. He can’t revive or refresh this old wine skin. But, he does want to give me a brand new pair of pants. But, just like when you buy a new pair of jeans, there’s going to be a breaking in process. It isn’t going to be fun. I’m not going to love it. But, He’s got a new work for me, if I’ll just step out of my old self. He’s been asking me to grow up. He’s been asking me for some time, I think.

I’ve been spring cleaning. I hate cleaning. And, because its just me, I have a tendency to let things build up. Mountains of laundry needing to be put away, closets begging to be organized, and carpets in desperate need of a good vacuuming and it all happened this week. I don’t know what spurred on the cleaning, but I’ve been doing it. And, doing it with a happy heart.

We’re covering obedience this month at school. So, every time I ask the kids to do something, I’ve just been using the word ‘obey’ and underlining the rules (i.e., ‘thank you so much for obeying me by putting away those toys.’). I don’t know if its helping them any, but it sure has had an impact on me. I’ve been blown away by the number of times I say ‘obey’ in one day and also, by the number of times I find myself NOT obeying.

Then, this morning, I had a fantastic dream. I’m not going into details, but it was such a simple dream. But, I’m telling you right now, I literally felt the embrace of God. I woke up without a doubt in my mind. And, I can remember details of the dreams vividly, but the only phrase I can remember is ‘see all the trouble I went to for you?’

Boom. Conviction.

See all the trouble He went to for me?

I stumbled upon the perfect podcast. He gave me my own parable (cleaning my apartment like I should be cleaning my heart). He taught me a lesson about obedience that I’m sure I’ll never stop learning. Then, he wrapped it all up with a hug.

I didn’t deserve one bit of it. Not one.

See all the trouble I went to for you?