Patience, etc.

Patience. I totally need some. But, you know what everyone says...if you pray for patience, you'll find yourself in a situation where you really REALLY need some. It will be a 'learn patience or die' trial. It will be a trial more fiery than any other fiery trial in the history of all mankind. (Fortunately, I've learned to embrace the fiery, but that doesn't mean that I want to invite them necessarily.)

There are two different kinds of patience: patience with people and patience for things. I have neither.

If you're under the age of five, then I've got all the compassion and patience in the world. But, any older than five, and you better just put on your big boy pants and deal with your stuff. I'm not going to listen to you whine and tattle. Just do what you need to do and deal with the consequences. It's called adulthood.

And, when it comes to the things I want out of life (i.e., husband and family, perfect job, etc.), I want it now. And, that is a fantastic atittude. In fact, I hope that if you're reading this blog, it's not the first time. Otherwise, I've just painted a really yucky picture of myself. Please, go back and read a few blogs where I sound Christlike and full of Christian love. I'm sure there must be a few somewhere in the archives.

So, today, I did a little walk through my concordance (note to self: read Romans) and came up with some serious stuff:

I therefore, a prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3

There is a whole list of things I just admitted to not doing. Humility? Oops. Gentleness? See paragraph above concerning 'big boy pants'. Patience? None to be found. I'm not even sure I want to tackle the last two. The real kicker is that Paul says I should walk in a manner 'worthy of the calling.'

I can never really be worthy of the calling God has chosen for me. I'm not even worthy of the most basic calling - that He has chosen me to be His daughter. I'll never do enough to be worthy of that calling. I, in myself, will never be worthy of that calling. But, God still calls me to walk worthy of that calling. I have a feeling I am only scratching the surface of this verse.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:9-12

The heading above this paragraph in my Bible is 'marks of a true Christian.' Ouch. Here I am thinking I'm sailing down the straight and narrow, maybe just running a little low on patience and bam! God hits me with these verses. It's like when I go to get my oil changed and they keep coming up to my window telling me what else needs to be replaced.

You know what I say? Bring on the fiery trial! (I almost want to go back and delete that before God has a chance to read it.) But, God, could you maybe hold my hand? I'm just a little girl. But, I'm a little girl who wants to do big things for You.