Tuesday, June 6, 2006

I need a map.

I don't really know why I am writing this. I just sort of need to send this cosmic question out into the universe.
Today, I was listening to the radio and the DJ said that the artist who had just sung the song was only twenty-three and already has three number one songs. That made me start thinking, that's how old I am. And, how many other twenty-somethings are out there acheiving their dreams. They are out there making movies, on tour, hitting home runs and such while I live in my parent's basement working at a medical billing office and watching the gilmore girls.
I have already resigned myself to the fact that it is unlikely that I will "make it" before I'm twenty-five. So, I'm shooting for thirty. Now, I know that thirty isn't old, but it is in seven years. I do not have that kind of patience. I think John Mayer called it a "quarter life crisis." I feel like I am sitting behind a desk waiting for my life to start while the rest of the world is just zooming by. It hurts a little.
Another part of the problem is that while I am waiting for my life to start, I feel a little guily because I feel like I could be starting it if I just knew what to do. If I just knew what job to take or who to talk to or what classes I should sign up for, then I could get my life started. But, I have no idea what I am doing. Here I am, graduated from college, with a good idea of where I want to end up, but with no idea what steps to take to get there.
So, college students, worse then the dreaded senioritis is the quarter life crisis that seems to inevitably follow. I have all this freedom. I don't have to go to class or write a paper. I don't have to register for classes. But, it seems when I don't have someone telling me what to do, I'm lost as to what step to take next. Like John Mayer said, there is just a stirring in my soul, wondering about a still verdictless life.

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