The Perfect Man

I know you're shocked I'm writing another blog so soon, but its kind of therapeutic for me. Deal with it. I've had a rough night. And, some of the 'stuff' that happened tonight got me thinking about what I'm looking for in life.
I don't think it will be a surprise to anyone that knows me very well that I'm not really sure of my ultimate direction in life. I'm pretty content to just enjoy the ride. I like to take things as they come and deal with them as they happen. I'm really not much of a planner. I don't have a five or ten year plan. Absolutely, I am not exactly where I want to be in life, but there's not much I can do about it. I try really, really hard to make the best of what I've been given. I'm not very good at it though, admittedly. But, as I was thinking about where my life was going, my mind wandered to what I'm looking for in a relationship. One word came to my mind: honesty.
The hardest part of any new relationship for me is the 'getting to know you.' I find it awkward and strange. I just want to jump to the place where you feel like you've known each other for years. Unfortunately, the universe does not let you jump around like that, so you have to put time and energy into getting to know that person and letting them into your life. That's always awkward and difficult. But, the rewards are so worth the pain of bearing yourself to someone else. There is nothing like having someone who knows completely and still thinks you're cool.
So, when I say I want honesty in a relationship, I want complete honesty. I want to bare all my broken parts to someone. I want to tell all my dark secrets. I want to reveal every flaw, every mistake I've ever made, every weakness. I don't want them to just see my strengths or the facade I put up. I want that man to know everything there is to know about me. I want him to be there at my most vulnerable. See me without make up, see me cry, hear me get angry, be around when I'm wrong. See me at my ugliest and tell me I'm beautiful. Know all my broken parts and love me.
Because life is hard. Marriage is harder. I'm damaged and broken. I have pain and I have caused pain. I might make you cry, you will undoubtedly make me cry. I can be flakey and indecisive. I don't want to settle down. But, I want you here, through the good and the bad, the comfortable and the scary, the rich and the poor. The perfect man would know me completely and still love me unconditionally.