I have completely given up the male gender. I am done. I am starting to think that those crazy cat ladies who live in the old broken down house on the corner have a good plan. I understand them.
Cats don't let you down. They don't lie. They don't cheat. You remember to feed them, water them, and clean out their litter box and they will be your best friend. They will cuddle with you. You never have to fight for control of the remote or the radio. You don't have to do their laundry or remind them to put their dishes in the dishwasher. And, they are always listening to you and will never try to fix your problem.
So what if their houses are a little broken down? They don't have anyone to fix it for them. Why? Because they gave up on men and as a result, their gutters don't get cleaned, they siding doesn't get fixed, and their stairs sag a little. In the long run, does it really matter? Instead, they get to spend every night in their sweatpants with no makeup on and their legs unshaved. I think that's a trade that is more than fair.
Now, I love kids as much as the next person, actually, probably more. But, right now my bitterness level is at about a three. Give me a few years and I might be a lot higher. I'm thinking a fifteen. So, I'll probably be glad that their trick or treaters are too afraid to come and ring my doorbell. Maybe they think I would boil them and eat them, and I'll be honest if I ever get to a fifteen, I might boil and eat them. They might want to stay away.
And for those kids who do actually reach my doorbell, props to them, but I probably won't have any candy. I probably ate it all, along with the entire contents of my fridge.
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