Hug.

Remember that post I wrote yesterday about patience and the fiery trial? You read it, right? So did God. Whew. What a day! The kids were especially crazy and totally wore me out. I got paid today, but every penny already belongs to someone else. And, then Emily reads me a scripture that says something like not everyone is called to be a teacher because teachers are held to even stricter standards. Awesome. And, here I thought I was just barely squeaking by on the average standards.

But, then, Jesus came.

On the way home, I decided to take out my most favorite Christ Tomlin and listen to Matthew West. I heard this song and I cried the entire way home.

I'm the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can't even walk a straight line
And every time you look at me
I'm spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime

Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won't let me fall
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can't help but breathe you in
Breathe againFeeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

I'm the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I ever care to confess
Oh but, You're the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess

Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won't let me fall
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can't believe is happening
You're standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can't help but breathe you in
Breathe again

Okay, I highlighted a few of my favorite parts (notice that both entire verses are highlighted - you should see my textbooks). I feel like God gave Mr. West this song, knowing that someday, I would be driving home from work and would need a hug.

I'm the one with two left feet, standing alone, more broken than I ever want anyone to know. I'm the one who's made the giant mistakes (and a few little ones) and now has to pay the consequences for them. Sometimes, I do look at myself and wonder how I manage to make it to the end of the day. I know that soon, I'm going to hit the bottom like a ton of bricks.

But, He's just standing there, with His arms open wide, saying, 'It's fine. I think you're beautiful.'

I often imagine that God thinks of me like I think of my little kids. I love love love when they get hurt or scared and they come running to me. I just scoop them up and give them all the love I have. Even more, I love when they aren't scared or hurt and they just climb into my lap or give me a hug. I love them right back.

I'm seriously crying right now because I know that the love I give to these kids is nothing compared to the perfect love that Jesus has for me. And, I know that He can't wait until I climb into his lap or run to him when I'm scared.

So, I don't care that I don't have two pennies to rub together. I don't care that when I left work today, all my makeup was gone and my butt was wet cause I sat on the ground. I don't care that maybe I do mess up sometimes. Okay, I do care that I mess up. But, I know that God thinks I'm beautiful and amazing and I'm just going to breathe Him in for awhile.