The Perfect Man

I know you're shocked I'm writing another blog so soon, but its kind of therapeutic for me. Deal with it. I've had a rough night. And, some of the 'stuff' that happened tonight got me thinking about what I'm looking for in life.
I don't think it will be a surprise to anyone that knows me very well that I'm not really sure of my ultimate direction in life. I'm pretty content to just enjoy the ride. I like to take things as they come and deal with them as they happen. I'm really not much of a planner. I don't have a five or ten year plan. Absolutely, I am not exactly where I want to be in life, but there's not much I can do about it. I try really, really hard to make the best of what I've been given. I'm not very good at it though, admittedly. But, as I was thinking about where my life was going, my mind wandered to what I'm looking for in a relationship. One word came to my mind: honesty.
The hardest part of any new relationship for me is the 'getting to know you.' I find it awkward and strange. I just want to jump to the place where you feel like you've known each other for years. Unfortunately, the universe does not let you jump around like that, so you have to put time and energy into getting to know that person and letting them into your life. That's always awkward and difficult. But, the rewards are so worth the pain of bearing yourself to someone else. There is nothing like having someone who knows completely and still thinks you're cool.
So, when I say I want honesty in a relationship, I want complete honesty. I want to bare all my broken parts to someone. I want to tell all my dark secrets. I want to reveal every flaw, every mistake I've ever made, every weakness. I don't want them to just see my strengths or the facade I put up. I want that man to know everything there is to know about me. I want him to be there at my most vulnerable. See me without make up, see me cry, hear me get angry, be around when I'm wrong. See me at my ugliest and tell me I'm beautiful. Know all my broken parts and love me.
Because life is hard. Marriage is harder. I'm damaged and broken. I have pain and I have caused pain. I might make you cry, you will undoubtedly make me cry. I can be flakey and indecisive. I don't want to settle down. But, I want you here, through the good and the bad, the comfortable and the scary, the rich and the poor. The perfect man would know me completely and still love me unconditionally.

Know Your Name

First of all, let's just stop and acknowledge just how long its been since I posted a blog. I'll wait while you do that...yeah, it really has been that long. I had kind of a rough day. And, I suppose that's what prompted this blog. That, and a Jason Mraz song, Details in the Fabric. I won't post all of the lyrics cause it drives me crazy when you do it. Here is the significant part:

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken heart then face it
If it's a broken heart then face it
And hold your own
Know your name
Go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own name


This struck me because lately I have been obsessed with names. I think names are so ridiculously important. I don't think we really give names their due. I have a pet peeve, maybe a silly one, but a pet peeve nonetheless. I absolutely hate when expectant parents tell everyone the name of their child-to-be before they give birth. I think names are so intensely personal. God places so much importance on names in the Bible. He changes them when something significant happens in a person's life (i.e., Paul, the artist formerly known as Saul). He says He has called us by name.
Sometimes, I imagine that God has a name for each and every one of us, even before we are born. There's something about that image - God having a secret name for us (and probably a handshake cause God is pretty cool like that) - that makes me feel so loved. I know the Bible says He formed each one of us in the womb. But, He kind of has to do that. Who else can? But, He took the time to name us and call us and get to know us. You don't name things unless you care about them. Have you named your couch?
So when Jason, cause we're so tight I call him by his first name, says 'know your own name' that's a pretty powerful image for me. Obviously, we all know our names, and I think most of you are intelligent enough to know that he's saying know yourself. Know who you are. There are people who spend their entire lives trying to find themselves. And, the truth is, we probably all should engage in a little self-discovery every once in a while, as painful as it can be to turn that light inward.
Really, there is so much I want to say about that short little piece of lyric. Know your name and go your own way. Find yourself and do what it takes to be that person you need to be. So much easier said than done. Especially, when life sees fit to throw you insane obstacles. But, you just have to deal with all those broken parts. You just have to find a way to cope with the situations you've been given.
Oh, but friends, there's one thing we can't forget as we struggle to find ourselves and take that road less traveled, all while dealing with life. We have an advantage. God knows our name. He calls us by that name. He even knows our broken parts. And, He still wants to hang out with us and practice that secret handshake.

When you wish upon a star, as dreamers do...

So, it's the day after Christmas. While I'm not a huge fan of Canada, I think they have the right idea making today a holiday. It's such a strange day for me. Even this year, with my serious lack of holiday spirit. All the work and preparation that lead up to this one day and then suddenly, it's over. Back to the everyday grind. And, even while your tree is still up in the living room, it seems a little less magical. So, here I sit, writing a blog, syncing my ipod, and thinking about next year.

Of course, I've made the typical new years resolutions: get healthier, spend less money, read more books. The same resolutions I make every year. And, every year, I cross my fingers and hope I follow through. Don't look at me like that…you do the same thing. You say, this year I'm going to the gym three times a week, I'll stick to my budget, and finish that novel I started last January (you say that, I don't, I finished last January's novel last January). But, deep in the back of your mind, you know that the variable in all of those resolutions is your own follow through, and you're a little concerned you might get in your own way. You're not alone.

And, I want all the pieces of my life to fall into place. Seriously, is that too much to ask? Sure, I have my goals for the year, just like everyone else. But, here are my hopes for the year. I want to accomplish something that makes me feel really good about myself. I'm not picky about what it is, actually, just something that makes me feel great about being me. I would really like to keep a secret, just one. I'd like to find some way to peacefully coexist with my parents. I would say I'd like to move out, but I'm not that optimistic. I'd also like to peacefully coexist with Wayne State, but the truth is, peacefully or otherwise, I'm stuck there. So, I'd like to learn to love it, no, on second thought, I'd like to just learn. And, lastly, I want to find someone. And, I know I'm not the only one who's hoping for that one to happen.

So, good luck with all your new year's resolutions. I hope you can overcome yourself and actually see their fruition. But, more importantly, I'm really hoping you get all of those things that you are secretly dreaming of, in your heart of hearts. On New Year's Eve, while the rest of you are watching the ball drop, I'm going to be outside, wishing on a star. Wishing for the best year yet, for you and for me.

The Golden Compass

Since I am avoiding studying for my Michigan Politics final, I thought I would write a blog I've been meaning to post for quite some time. I'm sure most of you are aware that last weekend a rather controversial film, The Golden Compass, was released. As always, I figured I'd throw in my two cents for those of you who are willing to listen. I have not seen the film yet, so please note that my opinions are based on the trilogy of books and not the actual film. I will not be seeing the film for sometime because I do not want to contribute to it financially. I will wait until I can rent it for free from Blockbuster.

Anyway, yes, I have read all three books. And, I am not a fan. I am not a fan for several reasons. First of all, I found them boring and a bit tedious. For those of you familiar with my blogs, you know how much I hate Dan Brown. Well, these books were like Dan Brown for kids. I think the books are marketed toward middle schoolers, an maybe even younger, but they contain some scientific themes that will most certainly go over their heads. Some of it went over my head. The characters are concerned with elementary particles, or dust, and the effect they have on children versus their effect on adults. These particles are able to communicate with the more enlightened individuals of society and children. Confused? So was I.

Secondly, as I already mentioned, I think these books are marketed toward a younger generation, but they deal with themes that I think are far too mature for someone so young. Lyra, the main character, and Will, her companion for the second and third books, have a developing romance that seems entirely innocent for quite some time. Until the latter part of the third book, when we see the relationship take a more physical turn. The author does not imply that they have sexual relations, but they do spend a considerable amount of time alone, and do kiss. It is the crossing of this relationship into a more mature realm that causes Lyra to lose her ability to communicate with the dust through her alethiometer, thus signifying that she has passed puberty, essentially.

Also, Lyra is the illegitimate child of Lord Asriel and her mother, Mrs. Coulter. Details of this relationship that I think would be better left alone are not. It is also implied that Mrs. Coulter has had other affairs with other men in order to gain what she needs to continue her experiments. (Experiments that have something to do with disconnecting the soul from the body to see how the dust changes.)

Lastly, the entire trilogy is basically an atheist's argument against God. He confuses the corruption of the institution of the church with the corruption of God, which we as Christians realize is a human institution susceptible to corruption. We can easily separate the two, ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Pullman does not. Basically, the trilogy culminates in the good guys (including a few rogue angels, polar bears, and witches led by Lord Asriel) waging a war against the church and God. Eventually, God is destroyed, but he turns out to be a fake, only an angel with delusions of grandeur.

The books are not only poorly written, they are the equivalent of a literary wolf in sheep's clothing. An atheist has wrapped his anti-God beliefs in a cushy little box, complete with fuzzy friends and kids who conquer evil. I do not think this is a mere question of imagination, such as Harry Potter, but rather a purposely dangerously confusing theological argument.

But, if you are looking for some quality entertainment for you kids, nieces and nephews or even yourself, allow me to make some suggestions. Stardust will be available for rent on Tuesday and the latest Harry Potter film came out last week. Gregor the Overlander is a great series, full of imaginative fun and even talking rats and bats. Also, the two Ven Polypheme books are great, although they are a bit more of a challenge.

But, don't take my word for it!

Growing up is such a barbarous business, full of inconvenience... and pimples.

"Hook met the accusation with a jaunty shrug. 'Not I. You yourself. The moment a child answers the question 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' he is halfway to being an adult. He has betrayed childhood and Looked Ahead. He has joined the rank of those clerks and chicken-pluckers and box-packers who scan the Situations Vacant column in the newspapers."
Curse those teachers who demand that you choose a profession in kindergarten. Curse those admissions counselors who make you declare a major. And those professors who ask you to write papers on your own personal mission statement? Make them walk the plank. In my fairy tale, they are the Captain James Hook. They are the robbers of childhood and imagination.
Perhaps they thought that by robbing us of our imagination and instilling good sense and responsibility, we could make the world a better place. But, it turns out that sense of responsibility is what drives us to take jobs as chicken-pluckers and travel agents and retaill clerks and box-packers. Maybe we still have that imagination and that sense of adventure. But, everyday we get up and make our way to our less than desirable jobs, we are forced to supress our inner Pan in favor of paying the rent.
These professors and admission counselors probably thought their plan was foolproof, but it turns out, it's acutally imagination and that sense of Peter Pan-ian adventure that will make the world a better place. It's going to take a few Peter Pans to solve the world's biggest problems. That common sense and concern for responsibility only brings about the concern for the bottom line and concrete facts. And quote all the statistics you want, and the Captain Hooks of the world certainly do, but that's not going to save the world.
It's true. We have no fairy dust. But, Pan said, "to live would be an awfully big adventure." And, I'm thinking to live life as an adventure is a far better alternative to living a life concerned with the bottom line.

On a scale of one to ten, I'm a three...and counting...

I have completely given up the male gender. I am done. I am starting to think that those crazy cat ladies who live in the old broken down house on the corner have a good plan. I understand them.
Cats don't let you down. They don't lie. They don't cheat. You remember to feed them, water them, and clean out their litter box and they will be your best friend. They will cuddle with you. You never have to fight for control of the remote or the radio. You don't have to do their laundry or remind them to put their dishes in the dishwasher. And, they are always listening to you and will never try to fix your problem.
So what if their houses are a little broken down? They don't have anyone to fix it for them. Why? Because they gave up on men and as a result, their gutters don't get cleaned, they siding doesn't get fixed, and their stairs sag a little. In the long run, does it really matter? Instead, they get to spend every night in their sweatpants with no makeup on and their legs unshaved. I think that's a trade that is more than fair.
Now, I love kids as much as the next person, actually, probably more. But, right now my bitterness level is at about a three. Give me a few years and I might be a lot higher. I'm thinking a fifteen. So, I'll probably be glad that their trick or treaters are too afraid to come and ring my doorbell. Maybe they think I would boil them and eat them, and I'll be honest if I ever get to a fifteen, I might boil and eat them. They might want to stay away.
And for those kids who do actually reach my doorbell, props to them, but I probably won't have any candy. I probably ate it all, along with the entire contents of my fridge.

Things I heard on the radio...

This blog will not be about music. Why? Because the only time I get to listen to the radio is in the morning while I am getting ready for work because I do not have a radio in my car. The only other time I listen is at work while I am at reception, and I'm not usually paying that much attention. This blog will be about things I heard on the radio this week and my thoughts on those things.
Enjoy.
First, I heard that some town, I think it was Bangor, Maine, instituted a law that says you can't smoke in a car when minors are present. It's a first offense, meaning they can actually pull you over for it. At first, I was like, "good for you Bangor! Way to protect those who can not protect themselves!" But, then I started to think about it and I found myself agreeing with Bangor less and less.
I'm sure you've heard that "you can't legislate morality." Usually, this is a point of moral relativism or people who want to be allowed to do whatever you want. But, think about it. No matter how many laws you make that say you can't murder or steal or hate, people will still murder and steal and hate. Law cannot create the motivation to do what is right, just like grades cannot create the motivation to learn. I think perhaps, it may also be true that you can't legislate common sense. I would much prefer that you didn't try, honestly. Today, you are pulling me over because you think I might possibly be smoking with children in the car, but tomorrow you're knocking on my door asking if I smoke while there are children in the house (for the record, I neither smoke nor have children). While I agree that everyone should wear a seatbelt while driving and a helmet while on a motorcycle, shouldn't that be a personal decision? At the same time, I'm torn. I want to protect those children from their stupid parent's second hand smoke, but I also want to protect their right to make their own decisions in the future.
Next, I heard a much more disturbing bit of information. As I'm sure you all heard, President Bush gave the State of the Union address on Tuesday. Well, Monday, on The View, Rosie called for his impeachment. I have so many things to say about this, you may want to put your seatbelt on (I am not going to make you, it's your choice).
First of all, let's think back to the last time we called for a president's impeachment. What did that even do? Nothing. We were subjected to thousands of hours of hearings and such. Now, we are waiting to see if his wife is going to run for president. Yipee.
Second, who in the world does Rosie thinks she is? Seriously, you have a little tiny midday talk show. But, because you, a talk show host, disagrees with the leader of the Free World, we should listen to you? I don't think so. I rarely agree with Donald Trump, but he may be right about you. You are too big for your britches. Shut up.
Third, we are in the middle of a war, a war that doesn't seem to be going too well (honestly, I don't know much about it, so don't get too upset if you think it is going well). Is it really a great idea to impeach the commander of our armed forces in the middle of a war? Does that really make sense? I don't think it does.
Rosie, shut up. You're an idiot. Just because you have a lot of money doesn't mean you get to tell us what to do. It doesn't make you smart or right.